Tools for Parenting Pre-teens and Young Teens
Parenting pre-teens and young teens can be a challenge. If you
have a youth who is entering the teen years is a good time to take a look at
your parenting tool kit and see what works and what needs to be added. The following
ten tools have all been shown to be highly effective in helping provide both
love and limits to young people 10- 14 years of age.
- Listen for feelings. It is important to listen without interrupting
or rushing in to solve problems for your youth. Real communication can begin
when you are able to listen effectively.
- Remember the young person’s age. This is a dramatic
period in person’s life. Physical, emotional, intellectual and social
changes are all happening at the same time. Understanding what is normal development
is a gift you can give your child.
- Use 5 minutes chores as small penalties for small misbehaviors.
Parents of young people have a tendency to overuse consequences. Keep it simple
and low energy for the small issues and pick your battles wisely.
- Leave the room to cool off. Being an effective parent means
keeping your cool in the face of disrespectful and other challenging behaviors.
Learn to walk away and cool down and teach your youth about anger management
at the same time you are increasing your ability to be effective!
- Create opportunities for family fun time. Research shows
that an ability to play together strengthens family functioning. This is an
important time to have fun. It makes the challenges easier to overcome.
- Find out who, what, when and where your youth will be. Parental
monitoring is one of the key skills for keeping kids away from trouble.
- Compliment them on good behavior. Even the most challenging
children are engaging in positive behavior about 33% of the time. Focus on
what they are doing right so when it comes time to correct behavior there
will be less defensiveness.
- Family meetings are an essential part of family management
in this busy time. Most families have a complex schedule. Regular family meetings
can assist every family in sharing chores, schedules and doing the business
of living together.
- Have house rules that clearly spell out expectations for
your young person. Keep them simple and clear and make sure everyone knows
what they are. House rules need to be updated as kids grow and change and
as lives change.
- Use a point chart to encourage development of good habits.
This can be one of the most effective ways to encourage and teach new skills.
All of these ideas come from the Strengthening Families Program
for Parents and Youth 10-14 Years. This program is being offered this fall at
Kendall Elementary and Roosevelt Elementary School beginning the week of October
7. The cost is $35 for the 7- week class. Meals and childcare will be provided.
To register call 360/738-1196.
Submitted by Drew Lenore Betz, M.S., CFLE
Faculty, Parenting and Family Life Education